So today marks the Chicken's first day at daycare. I was "prepared"... But then I wasn't.
Emotionally today is extreme. I began crying about it (in secret as the Rooster was busy playing games on his Xbox) at about 7pm last night. I hoped to get all of that crying stuff out of the way last night but no! Nope that was just a taster to the heartbreak that today has given me!
At orientation, the Chicken loved daycare. Loved the carers, the toys, the other kids... Everything! It was truly lovely to see her be so confident and happy in her surrounds. To also be complimented by her caregivers on how independent, happy and confident that she is made me feel totally justified in my parenting methods and reassured that I'm doing a good job.
I knew that she would be fine when the first official day care day came around. Me... Not so much!
So roll on today! We are here.
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| Behind those giant sunnies the tears well...Oh do they well! |
On the last day of orientation one of our room leaders told me to come in and stay for a few hours and to help the Chicken settle for rest time and then take off after that. In theory it sounded like a perfect "gentle" plan, but I also felt like I'd be just dragging out the inevitable (for me).
When we arrived, we met one of the carers at the door. The Chicken promptly dive bombed her for a cuddle - which surprised us both! Lovely, but at the same time, slightly heartbreaking!
We then went inside where she raced off to go play. I managed to get her stuff into her locker and spat out a few words before the tears streamed.
The Chicken was so happy in her new environment (and the other room leader was in today) that I though it best to ditch the hang around plan and be like a band-aid and leave.
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| Mum? Mum who??? I got cars to play with!!! |
I understand all of the benefits of care. I totally get it. I am actually glad that she has such a fantastic place to go with such great carers but hooley dooley! There is nothing that can prepare you for the moment that you leave your child with relative strangers for a day - AND pay them for the heartache!
So as you can imagine... Today ain't pretty!!!
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| I took 3 shots...this was the "nicest" one |
After an hour of the Chicken being in care, I had gone through 1/2 a box of tissues and thanking the waterproof mascara gods.
The heartache is ridiculous. Like nothing I have experienced before - nor wish on anyone. It feels like my heart has been removed and is being stabbed all while I get to look on.
They tell me it gets easier.
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| Yup... need shares in Kleenex |
There are so many super sad moments of parenting. Don't get me wrong, there are infinite more good ones than bad, but I guess that's what makes the sad ones so devastating.
The first day of care/school, the first night that your child stays in their own room, the day that you stop breastfeeding/pumping, the day that your child turns to someone else for comfort... All times where I cried "like a baby".
The parenting books don't prepare you for those times. In saying that, being warned is one thing but living it another.
Parenting is my biggest achievement. I love my child more than I ever knew I was capable of and being a mother has made me more for filled than I knew was possible. Maybe that's why this makes it so hard. The taste into letting go. Knowing that that sweet innocent little newborn is growing up (FAST) and that one day - all too soon - she will no longer need me 24/7. That day is closer than I care to admit.
So now I try to compose myself enough to get stuff done today and be able to go into public without looking like a teared up zombie!
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| BRAAIIIIIINS!!!!!!! No wait! |
Roll on 4:30pm where it seems an acceptable time to go collect the Chicken and get all the snuggles that I've missed out on today.
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